dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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