Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
