I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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