I think im going to throw up on grandma
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize