I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize