My first STD was from a foam party
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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