I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
