haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
