Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
