Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
