so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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