Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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