So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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