hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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