Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
