9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
