Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He felt like a one man threesome
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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