cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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