My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
