I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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