Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
