His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize