dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
did i just pee glitter
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
