is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
