i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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