You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
