I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
