Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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