Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize