My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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