And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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