Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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