it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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