I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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