The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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