Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do vagina's smell?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
