And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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