my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize