I puked a lego.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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