I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
