Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
