I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we're making bets on your personal life
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
