I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
