Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
