oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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