No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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