Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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