Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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