If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
