I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
