i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
