That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
