I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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