how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
