bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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