oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
