You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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